Public speaking feels to me like a near death experience. So to state that I have a fear of public speaking is an understatement.

This is not another post on “how to overcome your fear of public speaking”. I don’t believe that there are specific steps you can follow that will work for everyone. This post is to show fellow sufferers that they are not alone and to provide insight on how I manage the symptoms of my fear.

The first time I realized I had a major fear of public speaking was on a Contiki trip I took in 2012. We all had to take turns on the first day to go to the front of the bus to introduce ourselves over the microphone. For most people, this is an easy task and they would not think twice about it. For me, however, it was torture which led to embarrassment.

My fear was well hidden up until that moment. Prior to this when I had to give a talk, it was at my University where I was well rehearsed and prepared. Social talks were impromptu where it seemed like you had to say something funny, quirky or charming. I was never good at that.

After the Contiki tour my fear grew even bigger. I started getting minor anxiety symptoms when speaking in smaller groups. Groups as small as 5 people or even less. At that time, I brushed it off, because I’m an engineer and speaking in public would never be part of my job, right?

My symptoms included sweaty palms, dry mouth, twisting stomach pains, numbness over my face, chills, trembling limbs to name a few. I felt out of control of my body and like I’m having an outer body experience. This resulted in me wanting to run away as fast as possible. These are all signs of an anxiety attack.

The symptoms would occur more because of the anticipation of the talk rather than the talk itself. The actual talk always seemed to go OK. I would always feel super tired and drained afterwards.

Why was this happening to me?

Ok, so now I accepted that I had a major problem. I started investigating. There are countless articles on HOW to overcome this fear, but I found the WHY articles much more comforting. My favorite section is the following, because my logic mind could finally make sense of my fear.

You may not be aware of this, but each and every one of us has a cavewoman or caveman living inside our bodies. He or she is one of the many parts of the self. When our inner caveperson feels that it is being “singled-out,” primitive instincts kick in telling us that we are no longer a part of a group, and therefore, survival is slim to none. After all, how are you going to fight off a saber-toothed tiger all by yourself? The bottom line is, we feel threatened in a life or death kind of way. —Why Most People Are Deathly Afraid of Public Speaking and What They Can Do About It

So now I’ve accepted my fear and I at least understood it. My strategy was to stay as far away from public speaking as possible. I even rejected the opportunity to make a toast at my sister’s wedding (which I now regret).

So how did I end up speaking at a conference?

When the opportunity arose to speak at GOTO Berlin 2017 with a fellow colleague I initially declined. Even though I knew how rare the opportunity was. I had to stick to my initial strategy of avoiding public speaking at all cost.

I did not want my fear to hold me back in life and that’s exactly what it was doing now. I knew it was a high risk, but I realized that if I don’t face this fear now it would always overshadow me socially as well as processionally. I decided to do the talk.

I needed help now more than ever. I didn’t want to merely “survive” the talk. I wanted it to be great.

I knew I was going to have my usual symptoms before the talk. It was unavoidable. I would need a strategy to deal with theses symptoms rather than to wish for none at all. I also prepared myself mentally that I would make mistakes during the talk, but it’s OK. There is no point in visualizing the perfect talk. It does not exist.

I found the weeks before the talk the most challenging. I would have sleepless nights and minor panic attacks on a few occasions. These occurred because our presentation was not ready yet which gave a sense of the unknown. The attacks became less the more prepared I got. The interesting thing is that going through the talk during an attack actually calmed me down.

Most articles give advise on breathing, visualizing and other obvious tips. I found none of them insightful or helpful except for the following two

Focus On The Material, Not The Audience —27 Useful Tips To Overcome Your Fear Of Public Speaking

The more I practiced and liked my talk the more I felt comfortable and relaxed. Focusing on the talk helped minimize the anxiety symptoms. I wanted to get my message across rather than merely “surviving” the talk.

Make Your Nervous Energy Work For You —27 Useful Tips To Overcome Your Fear Of Public Speaking

When I started feeling the usual pre-talk anxiety symptoms, I would convert those feelings into feelings of excitement. Being nervous is also a type of adrenaline.

I had not only “survived” the talk, but the talk went great. My life had instantly changed.

Everyone experiences it differently. For me, the time leading to the talk is the worst. The actual talk is usually OK. The talk usually starts off shaky, but as I get comfortable it becomes smoother until a point where I start to enjoy it.

For others I’ve heard that they start off feeling comfortable and then it becomes shaky. Find what works for you. Don’t try to avoid the fear and don’t visualize that the fear won’t be there. You will set yourself up for failure. Rather get a strategy to manage the symptoms of your fear.

I’m not saying that everyone with a fear of public speaking should attempt giving a talk at a conference. I do, however, challenge you to understand your fear and to get a strategy so that you can eventually challenge it.